Pirates Morning Report

FINAL SCORE: PIRATES 3 REDS 7

WHY THE PIRATES LOST: THEY THOUGHT THEIR BEST PLAYER NEEDED A REST. THEY ONLY GOT 3 HITS, ALTHOUGH 2 OF THEM WERE HOME RUNS, AND THE BULLPEN COMPLETELY IMPLODED IN THE BOTTOM OF THE SIXTH INNING. YOU HAVE TO QUESTION WHETHER THE BULLPEN WAS EVEN NECESSARY IN THE SIXTH. IN A RARE GOOD OUTING FOR ZACH THOMPSON, HE WENT 5 INNINGS STRIKING OUT 6, WALKING 0 AND GIVING UP ONLY 2 HITS. HE HAD THROWN ONLY 79 PITCHES, YET THE SHADOW DECIDED TO GO TO THE BULLPEN IN THE 6TH WHICH TURNED OUT TO BE DISASTEROUS. DILLON PETERS GAVE UP A LITTLE BLOOP HIT TO START THE 6TH, BUT THEN COULD NOT FIND THE STRIKE ZONE, AND WALKED THE NEXT 3 BATTERS TO MAKE IT 2 TO 1. THEN THE SHADOW DECIDES TO BRING IN DOUBLE H AND HIS STERLING 6+ ERA. AFTER GETTING ONE OUT, DOUBLE H GAVE UP A GRAND SLAM TO FORMER PIRATE, COLIN (AM I EVEN ALIVE) MORAN FOR THE REDS TO JUMP OUT TO A 5-2 LEAD. COMATOSE COLIN HIT ANOTHER HOMER IN THE 8TH TO GIVE THE REDS A 7-3 CUSHION GOING INTO THE NINTH. BY FAR, THE MOST EMBARRASSING SERIES OF THE YEAR.

KEY MOMENT OF THE GAME: THE MORAN GRAND SLAM, WHICH WAS MADE POSSIBLE BY THE SHADOW’S OBSESSION WITH NOT ALLOWING A STARTER TO THROW 90 OR MORE PITCHES. I GUESS THE ONLY WAY YOU ARE GOING TO GET STRETCHED OUT IF YOU ARE A PIRATE PITCHER IS TO BE SENT DOWN TO THE MINORS. WE’VE JUST FINISHED THE FIRST WEEK OF MAY AND THE BULLPEN LOOKS TIRED ALREADY. EXPECT TO SEE A LOT MORE PITCHING BY POSITION PLAYERS IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

NEXT GAME: TONIGHT, DODGERS IN PITTSBURGH. THIS COULD GET PRETTY UGLY. IT REALLY DOES NOT MATTER WHO THE PIRATES START IN THIS SERIES, SO PLEASE SHELTON, MAKE TUCKER, VAN METER, AND TSUTSUGO PLAY ALL THREE GAMES, AND TAKE THE BEATING. THE PIRATES COULD START 5 PLAYERS WITH BATTING AVERAGES UNDER .200. THAT COULD BE A MAJOR LEAGUE RECORD. COME ON SHELTON, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, BUT REMEMBER ONLY THE SHADOW KNOWS.

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