Pirates Morning Report, Psychologically Destroyed

Final Score: Pirates 2 Braves 14

How The 2023 Pirates Did: A lot better than the 2022 Pirates. Unbelievably only 5 of the 2023 Pirates were in the starting lineup. Heineman, Van Meter, Newman and Gamel were in the starting lineup, not to be confused with the Four Horseman of Notre Dame. This was the pure horseshit of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Mitch Keller was the beneficiary of such a starting lineup. The Van Meter error in the top of the fourth open the flood gates. Oneil Cruz hit the hardest ball in the history of statcast at 122+ MPH. The ground ball that Van Meter missed was 25.8 MPH, the slowest ground ball ever missed in the history of baseball. Just kidding but doesn’t that sound good. Greg Brown was saying before the game, that this would be the first time since the late 1890’s when the Braves and the Pirates started playing baseball, that the Braves would win every game of the season. He said it would be good for the Pirates psyche if they could win the game. By losing 14-2, I think the whole team will need to be replaced and checked into the nearest mental hospital. With such a blowout game the Pirate booth was babbling more than usual. When Kirby Yates came into pitch, Capps mentioned he could not remember many pitchers doing that well their 1st year after Tommy John Surgery. He mentioned Adam Wainwright as the only one, that he could remember. I suggest that he look in this year’s current pitchers, for the name Justin Verlander. Do you even think these guys put an ounce of work in, covering baseball? It’s hard to believe they get a paycheck. Do you ever get the feeling that if the Pirates only had 2 announcers and did a simulcast that your cable bill would be a lot lower?

Key Moment of The Game: Van Meter’s error, Van Meter’s error, Van Meter’s error, Van Meter’s error. Thank God, the final was not 3-2.

Next Game: Not till Friday night, proving there is a God. Phillies in Philadelphia. The Pirates will help another team advance closer to getting into the playoffs. For the 3 games against the Braves, the Pirates scored 4 runs, on 14 hits, 4 walks and struck out 28 times. Yesterday, the Braves scored 14 runs, on 14 hits, 8 walks and struck out 11 times. My own feeling is that most of the strikeouts were designated strikeouts just to keep the game moving. By Sunday Night, the Pirates will feel the same way as W. C. Fields, when he wrote on his gravestone, I’d rather be here than Philadelphia.

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